Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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