What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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