I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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