Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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