I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
