Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
do nipples grow back?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
