i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
