ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Randomize
