Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
