Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
