it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
