He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
