haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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