I'm really into asian looking animals
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
