Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
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