Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The power of my boobs compel you
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
