it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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