i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Let's get the cat blown out
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
