She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
