There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
