A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
i now understand why vodka
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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