My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
