Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
