When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
