yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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