I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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