I wish I could teleport
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
