So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
