I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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