He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
