Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
