At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
