Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
