we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
When are your genitals available?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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