I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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