Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
