Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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