he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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