Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I think people are normalizing furries
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
