Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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