Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
party gras won. party gras always wins.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
There's always time for handjobs
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
