She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
