Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
