I cannot find my penis.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
