I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
