I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
