Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
