Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
