I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Welp...herpes.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
