I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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