Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
