wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
