Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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