bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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