I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
