best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
