I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
